The Game That Never Ends
by Junior BLD
Summary: A few unfortunate smashers sign up for Crazy Orders, but they don't get the epically insane battle that they bargained for... or do they?
"I can't believe we're really doing this!" Corrin said as he stood in line with a few other anxious smashers.

"I can't believe we lost our match." Shulk muttered, somewhat crestfallen, motioning to Cloud and himself.

"Are we ready for this?" Corrin asked, his tone uncertain. "Crazy Orders can be kind of… well, you know."

Cloud nodded and Shulk was about to respond when the three swordsmen heard a voice behind them.

"Corrin? Cloud? Shulk? What brings you here?" Zelda asked as she stepped into line behind them.

"I won a Crazy Orders pass in Target Blast!" Corrin said proudly, holding out his free pass. "I'd figure I'd give this a try."

The Hylean princess smiled, then turned to Cloud and Shulk. "And you?" she wondered curiously, not having seen either of them in this part of the Smash mansion before.

"Don't ask." Cloud responded. "It's not worth going into."

"Come on! Sure it is!" Shulk said enthusiastically, nudging Cloud with his elbow. Cloud shook his head as Shulk began explaining. "Cloud and I were in a tag team match with Link and Mega Man. We made a deal that the losers would have to participate in the next round of Crazy Orders and… well, things didn't go so great for us."

"Ooh! What happened?" Corrin asked eagerly, taking a step forward.

Shulk smiled. "Cloud was too busy charging his limit break in midair and didn't realize he was falling off the edge." He blurted out.

Cloud turned and glared at the Monado wielder. Shulk's grin now faltered with signs of embarrassment as he continued recounting the battle. "…and I was trying to avoid Mega Man's charge shot and accidentally back-slashed myself off the stage."

"Well that's unfortunate." Zelda said, trying to stifle a laugh.

"I made a mistake." Cloud said, thinking about his actions in their battle.

"What's unfortunate" Shulk said. "is that, unlike Corrin, we have to pay."

By this time, the four of them reached the ticket counter. No one was behind it, but there was a large, gold pot partially filled with smash coins and Crazy Orders passes. Attached to the pot was a sign that read "You don't pay, you don't play!"

Cloud and Shulk each pulled out a handful of glittering golden smash coins and stepped up to the ticket counter. Groaning, the two swordsmen forked over their money. Zelda deposited her coins into the pot and Corrin dropped in his free pass.

"WELCOME TO CRAZY ORDERS!" Crazy Hand's voice boomed, causing all of them to jump. Then, the crazy co-host of the Smash tournament appeared behind the counter. The giant hand quickly scooped up the money pot with his thumb and pushed four tickets to the smashers with each of his giant fingers. With an energetic wave at his new participants, Crazy Hand disappeared, leaving the four smashers in shock.

"Let's see what we got!" Corrin said as he and the others scratched away the gold film on their tickets. The smashers stared down at the tickets with anticipation, then back at each other, their eyes wide with surprise.

"Wait… I'm confused." Zelda said, glancing down at her ticket again. "Did any of you get one like this?" The princess showed her fellow smashers the ticket she held. Everyone else nodded in puzzlement, holding up their tickets for each other to see.

Usually the Crazy Orders tickets proposed a challenge with certain conditions that had to be met, like Flower Smash with a high launch rate, but these four tickets only had two words printed on them: Game Lounge.

Cloud, Corrin, Shulk, and Zelda stared for another moment in silence, then Corrin spoke. "So, I guess we go to the game lounge?" he asked uncertainly.

"Apparently." Shulk answered, not sounding too sure himself. The others agreed, and made their way through the mansion until they arrived at their destination.

Hesitantly, Shulk opened the door and walked in, unsure of what to expect. The others followed him inside. It seemed normal. Other smashers who weren't engaged in battle were relaxing and playing games. Sonic and Fox were flying through a round of Speed, while Robin and Ike were wrapped up in a game of War. Ness, Pit, and the Ice Climbers were playing Chinese Checkers, and Lucas was trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.

"Why did our Crazy Orders tickets tell us to come here?" Zelda wondered aloud.

"I don't know." Cloud answered, walking to an empty card table and sitting down. The others joined him and gazed once again at their tickets, searching for something they might have missed.

Suddenly, a giant electric blue portal appeared and Crazy Hand shot through it, hyper as ever. He zoomed to the table where his four participants were sitting. "You've made it! Now Crazy Orders can begin!" He exclaimed.

Corrin, Cloud, Shulk, and Zelda stared at one another, then looked back at Crazy Hand, puzzled. "Well, what's the challenge?" Corrin asked uncertainly.

"I'm glad you asked!" Crazy Hand exclaimed. He motioned to the table, where there were now four red, plastic, headbands and a deck of cards.

Cloud stared at the objects in confusion. "What does this have to do with our Crazy Orders challenge?" he wondered. He, like the others, had anticipated a battle, but by the looks of things, a wild Smash fight wasn't what they were getting.

"This IS the challenge!" Crazy Hand explained, pointing a massive finger at the deck of cards. "It's the super fun game 'What Am I?'!" The smashers traded skeptical glances as Crazy Hand explained the rules. "Each of you starts by picking a card and placing it on your headband, so everyone will know what you are except for you! Then you each ask 'yes' or 'no' questions to try and figure out what you are!"

"So, no battle?" Corrin asked, somewhat disappointed.

"No!" Crazy Hand confirmed, still as hyper as ever.

"Wait! Why are we paying for something we could be doing for free?" Zelda asked. The others nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Oops! I forgot!" Crazy Hand cried, and zipped out of the room faster than Sonic with a Bunny Hood.

"I think he's had a little too much sugar." Corrin said.

"Oh, you should have seen him during the Melee tournament." Zelda remarked.

Then, Crazy Hand zoomed back into the room, and this time, it looked like he really had eaten too much candy, because at that moment, he placed a giant glass bowl of skittles in the middle of the table. "Here's what you paid for!" the giant hand exclaimed with glee.

Cloud looked from the candy to the cards and narrowed his eyes in defiance. "What if we refuse?" he asked boldly.

"No refunds! No exchanges!" Crazy Hand snapped. "You've already paid, so now you must play!" With that, the massive hand started thumbing through the cards, handing one to each player along with a plastic headband.

"Your crown jewel, princess!" Crazy Hand said, giving Zelda her card.

"Um, thanks, I guess." Zelda said, placing the card in the slot of her headband.

Crazy Hand passed out cards to the other players, who took them reluctantly. "No telling each other what they are, and no consulting the Monado, Shulk!"

Shulk, whose hand was already moving towards the visionary sword on his belt quickly drew away. "I wasn't going to." He said, trying to suppress a mischievous grin.

"Have fun!" Crazy Hand exclaimed a little too gleefully, and teleported away through a portal.

"Well, let's get this game under way." Corrin said, staring around at the others' headbands.

"I'll go first if no one objects." Shulk said. No one did, so he asked his question. "Am I something edible?"

The others looked at his card. "Uh, not really. No." Corrin answered. Zelda and Cloud nodded in agreement.

"My turn." Zelda said, moving on. "Am I an animal?"

"No." the other three said in unison, shaking their heads.

Cloud exhaled and spoke. "Am I a living thing?" he asked in a bored voice. His next match was in two hours, and he'd rather be practicing for that instead of playing this game.

"No, you are not a living thing." Zelda answered.

Corrin took his turn. He drummed his fingers on the table thoughtfully. "Can I be found in nature?" he asked.

Zelda, Cloud, and Shulk looked at the dragon swordsman's card. "Yes you can!" Shulk answered.

The questions continued around the table. "Can I be found outside?" Shulk asked curiously.

"Yes." The other three answered after a glance at Shulk's headband card.

Zelda thought for a minute. There were so many worlds out there. If any of them wanted to guess what they were before the end of the century, they had to narrow it down as much as possible. "Am I… from the land of Hyrule?" she asked, hoping that her guess was correct.

"Yeah." Corrin and Shulk answered, impressed that she had managed to guess right in that respect.

Cloud closed his eyes and thought of a question for his turn. He knew he had to eliminate as many possibilities as he could. Zelda had tried that by asking about a specific world, however, she had gotten lucky. If he did that and he was wrong, there was no telling how many questions he'd waste before he got it right. There had to be another way to end this game quickly.

"Do I have a connection to magic?" Cloud asked.

Shulk and Zelda took a peek at Cloud's card. "No." they responded.

Corrin, who hadn't yet realized it was his turn, took a small handful of skittles and popped them into his mouth. He saw that everyone was looking at him, and thought he'd better ask a question. But, all he could manage was "Mm-Nn-Mm-Nn?"

"One more time?" Zelda asked, hinting at a smile. "I didn't quite get that."

Everyone waited for the dragon swordsman to finish his skittles and take his turn. "Sorry!" Corrin said when he had swallowed. "I said-and I know Zelda asked this one- am I an animal?"

"No." the other players responded.

By the fifth round, some of the questions became more ambiguous, and became harder to find a solid answer to.

"Am I big?" Shulk asked.

"No." Corrin answered at first.

"Well, no and yes…" Zelda said, "If you look at it from a different perspective."

"What do you mean?" Shulk wondered, trying to grasp what the Hylean princess was getting at.

The princess ran her fingers through her long, blonde hair, trying to think of a way to explain. "Well, a smash ball can be big to a fairy…" Zelda started to say.

"But the smash ball itself isn't big." Shulk pointed out, holding up his hands to show them.

"Okay, how big is 'big' anyway?" Corrin asked, grabbing a few more skittles.

"You're all over thinking this." Cloud said bluntly, putting a stop to the discussion.

Another round of questions passed, then another, and another. Time wasn't doing them any favors either. Before they knew it, an hour had gone by. Shulk had discovered that he wasn't made of metal, Zelda had learned that she was something valuable, Cloud had found that he was something in the sky that could exist in many worlds, and Corrin learned that he could be found on the beach. Yet, all of them were still unsure of what objects they were, and their interest was fading fast.

"Ugh, this is the longest game ever." Corrin complained, having just been triple-told that he wasn't a palm tree.

"I'm with you on this one." Zelda said, adjusting her plastic headband slightly. She glanced over at Shulk, who seemed very intent on checking his reflection in the empty candy bowl.

Shulk tilted his head slightly, trying to get the angle of the glass just right. He bent his head lower and caught a glimpse of his red headband when the bowl was yanked away from him.

"Nice try! I see what you're doing!" Zelda cried, putting the bowl back in the middle of the table and glaring at the Monado wielder.

Shulk grinned guiltily. "Crazy Hand said I couldn't consult the Monado! He never said I couldn't consult the skittle bowl!"

Just then, Crazy Hand appeared out of nowhere. "I'll take that if you're finished with it!" he offered, and scooped up the bowl before anyone else could get any ideas.

Another twenty minutes passed and the game went on uninterrupted. Cloud, Shulk, Corrin, and Zelda had lost all interest in playing any longer, and were now resorting to making somewhat random guesses and hoping they were right, only to be disappointed by a unified chorus from the others.

"Am I a sand castle?"

"No."

"Am I a battery?"

"No."

"Am I a Heart Container?"

"No."

"Is this game over yet?"

"NO!"

A few minutes later, Link and Mega Man entered the lounge and strolled up to the four Crazy Orders victims. "Wow, you guys are still playing this game?" Link asked in amusement.

Something about Link's and Mega Man's expressions made Cloud and the others feel like they hadn't walked in on their game by chance. They had known about it, and Cloud suspected that Link and Mega Man were the ones to get Crazy Hand to go along with it.

Corrin, Shulk, and Zelda suspected this too, but all of them managed to keep their displeasure concealed.

"Everything's going fine." Zelda answered. "We're getting close to figuring out what we are."

For a moment, Link and Mega Man looked relieved. "Hey! You've been playing long enough." Mega Man said. "Would you like to know what you are?" he asked, trying to stifle a laugh as he gazed around at the players' headbands.

Again, the four smashers managed to hide their desperation. "Sure, if you want to tell us, you can." Corrin said. The others nodded in agreement.

Link grinned and turned to Zelda. "You first, princess!" he said, winking at her. "You're a green rupee." He announced.

Zelda gasped with realization, remembering what Crazy Hand had said to her at the beginning of the game. "A crown jewel from Hyrule! That's great!" she said, though she was unsure if Crazy Hand meant it as a hint or was just trying to be funny.

"Corrin." Mega Man said, turning to the dragon swordsman. "You are… waves!"

Corrin took the card from his headband and stared at it. Then, he smiled, remembering the soothing song his mother used to sing to him when he was a small child. " _You are the ocean's grey waves…_ "

"Shulk is a beehive…" Link said, clearly enjoying keeping them in suspense for as long as possible. "And Cloud is… well… cloud!"

"Are you serious?" Shulk asked as the two remaining swordsman removed their cards from their headbands. Sure enough, Shulk's card had a picture of a beehive, and Cloud's depicted a greyish lightning storm cloud.

"It took us nearly two hours to find this out?" Shulk cried in disbelief. How could he not have figured it out sooner?

Cloud said nothing, but placed his headband on the table. Then, he stood, and stepped up next to Shulk to face their former opponents.

"So, we're all good now, right?" Link asked, trying to sound innocent. He was pretty sure Cloud and Shulk knew about their little stunt, and weren't too thrilled.

Cloud and Shulk glanced at each other, knowing what the other was thinking. "Sure! We're good!" Shulk said slowly, dawning a wicked grin.

Cloud stepped forward and narrowed his eyes at his two former opponents. "Seven seconds…" he said calmly.

Link and Mega Man Looked at each other in confusion. "What do you mean 'seven seconds'?" the blue robot asked uncertainly.

"Oh, that's how long it takes for Cloud to charge his limit break." Shulk said casually, not bothering to hurry his explanation.

The Hylean and blue robot looked at Cloud, who had clenched a fist and was now radiating with a powerful blue light. "Uh-oh!" they both cried. Knowing that at least five seconds had gone by, they bolted for the game lounge exit! But, Cloud hadn't come after them. Instead, he stared at the two terrified smashers, an amused expression on his face.

Shulk, on the other hand, was laughing hysterically! The looks on Link's and Mega Man's faces had made the last two hours of frustration worth it.

Cloud walked up to Link and Mega Man, who were too stunned to move. "No hard feelings." He reassured them, allowing his gathered power to disperse. Then, he walked past the two smashers and exited the lounge to head to his upcoming match.

"So, now what?" Link asked the four remaining smashers once he had regained his composure.

"Actually, I have a match as well." Shulk said, and followed Cloud through the door and down the hall.

"I have a Target Blast session." Zelda said, eager to get away before she was forced into another game of cards.

"And I was going to try out Master Orders." Corrin added, leaving as well.

Link and Mega Man stared after them for a few moments. Then, the two smashers walked over to the card table that had been occupied for the past two hours.

Link looked down at the cards which hadn't been cleaned up. "You want to play?" he asked, picking up one of the plastic headbands.

Mega Man smiled excitedly. "Yeah!" he replied, and they both sat down.


End file.
